i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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