i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize