No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
