Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
