dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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