Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
