You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
