oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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