ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
