I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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