Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
