I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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