I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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