i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
