So drunk its hurt
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
