WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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