Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
you never un-have a 4some
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
