And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
