I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
