When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
