i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
