just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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