couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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