Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
