I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
