i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
