First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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