Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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