you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
