Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
