Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Alive.
So much puke
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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