how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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