Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
