I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
