I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
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Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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