She's JV to your varsity
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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