Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
