if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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