i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
