Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
