Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
