Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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