He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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