beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
