jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
