Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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