i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
