You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
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I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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