i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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