Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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