hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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