Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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