Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
