operation have a gay friend backfired
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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