oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
