Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It's just like the Real World with babies
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
