I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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