I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
