ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
