9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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