i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
