my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
