You're so nebulous sometimes
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
