I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
