Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
