I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
