That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
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So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
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